you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
