we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize