Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
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Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
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I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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