I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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