Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
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