i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
