So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
