Sorry, I don't speak sober.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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