I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
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