i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
