he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
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She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
How drunk are you?
Completed.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize