She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
