I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
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I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
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He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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