i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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