I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
