why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize