The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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