I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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