Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Randomize
