garbage
garbage dick
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you win
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
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