Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
