No awkward lesbian experiences without me
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
