so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Found the puke drawer
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
