check it out our google latitudes are spooning
my shit smells like andre
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
