woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Randomize
