Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
