You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize