Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize