we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Randomize
