is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
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No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
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Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
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