peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
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