OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
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