When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
