I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
