sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Is Oprah even human
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
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