It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
so explain again why im purple
no
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
