Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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