apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
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Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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