I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
