Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
the condom got lost in my hair
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
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