um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
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