I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
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