I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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