i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
