even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
