He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
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The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
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You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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