let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
i've created a new STD.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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