Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
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And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
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Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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