He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
