How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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